Max Horkheimer, Restaurant
Reviewer
July 22, 2008
Kitschin' Table is a fore-runner in the new wave of
local restaurants offering cuisine that is daring to be different
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Address: 84 Lygon Street (The
River End)
Hours: Dinner 6pm-late Mon-Sat
Payment: Visa, Amex
Price Guide: Entrees $20-$30,
Mains $60-$80
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If Carlos Beamer is tired he hides it well. It's just after
eight-thirty, and the head chef at Kitschin' Table is speaking to
me with the an energy and rhythm that matches the pacey buzz of this
trendy Lygon Street eatery. As a food critic I'm well accustomed to
being schmoozed by hand-wringing chefs de cuisine and babbling,
over-eager restaurateurs, but Carlos comes across as fresh and
genuinely enthusiastic. He speaks with passion and warmth about the
restaurant, and its edgy menu that has everyone in the city talking.
"What we're doing is so new, nobody quite knows what
to call it yet! I've just got back from a convention in Paris and it's
all anyone's talking about. They're calling it avant-garde, but you know what?
That's just a word trying to
catch up with a concept.
Nobody knows what the hell we should be calling this stuff yet!"
As if to illustrate the point, the drinks waiter arrives with the
Sauvignon Blanc I've selected - served in a chipped coffee mug. There's
a smear of lipstick on the rim, and thick globs of fat floating on the
surface
"See!?", Carlos grins, "This is how we are doing
things now! It's not just about the food. It's a new philosophy that
underpins everything we're doing in the restaurant. The way we deal
with customers. Our approach to hygiene. It's totally changing the
culture in the kitchen. Even down to the dishwater.We're only changing
it maybe once or twice a day now. More than likely the cup you're
drinking from was washed in a sink that looks like a pot of
Vichyssoise."
For a young restaurant, the menu at the Kitschin' Table is diverse,
including a respectable range of complex and difficult dishes. For
entree I order the seafood vol et vents, a decision I don't regret.
Before the plate is on the table, I can smell the pungent aroma of the
prawns and salmon, immediately reminiscent of the sun-ripened
oysters at Bochulista's. The sauce has been texturised with shell and
scales, and the entire dish has been dusted with a just-right
smattering of pubic hair - generous without being decadent.
Before ordering mains I look around the room to see what other patrons
are eating. A nearby couple have ordered the domestic carp, which
diners are permitted to select fresh from a tank situated at the end of
the dining room. The dish is wonderfully understated. The fish is
served still flopping about, gasping on a bed of aquarium sand and fish
excrement. The tartare sauce is presented on the side in
algae-encrusted plastic treasure
chest. It's simple; bordering on nouveau urban-provincial, while
maintaining a modest dignity. I like it.
With an tempting list of inviting choices on offer, I finally settle on
the Refried Porterhouse Steak Served in a Dirty Ashtray. The cut
of meat I am served is still hot and audibly sizzling when it reaches
the table. I'm impressed by the attention to detail when I turn the
meat to observe a still-smouldering Winfield. It looks to have been
butted out only moments earlier, and is emitting a gentle lick of smoke
over the leathery surface of my steak. Biting into it, I'm surprised by
other gentle flavours as well. An unidentified variety of aromatic
pouch-tobacco, and even hints of some low-tar menthol. Once again I'm
reminded that a good kitchen is not a one-man show. It takes a team of
good people under the tutelage of a great chef to produce food like
this.
Tempted back to the seafood theme, for dessert I select the chocolate
starfish. It presents in a shallow dish, drizzled with hotdog-flavoured
water - an unusual yet exciting and strangely complementary combination
of flavours. Undertones of cinnamon and ammonia. Good stuff!
I spend time reflecting upon my dining experience over a cup of
dishwater coffee, and contemplate what it is about restaurants such as
this that make them stand-out from the competition. Sure the service is
good, but it's no better than up the road at Do Do Dada, or over at
Surreal For Real. I think what impresses most about a place like
Kitschin' Table is how bold the menu is. Many difficult-to-source
ingredients are utilised in dishes that allow no room for error. Yet
despite this, the prices are comparable to other restaurants in the
district and the food is expertly prepared and deeply satisfying. The
whole experience is a nine-thumbs-up from me. Well done Carlos. I'll
definitely be back!
Bon Appétit!
Max Horkheimer
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