Ed Lives

Ed Hulver awoke to the dog licking his face as the sun shone through the broken windows. The bed itself was dishevelled and blood stained. Ed didn't know who the dog was, it looked like some mutt, but either way it was happy to see him. Ed also had no recollection how he found himself in this room. He had dim memories of stumbling around in a darkened, foggy state; not drunk, but permanently dizzy, like his senses didn't work fully.

He gave the dog a pat on the head, to which the dog wagged his tail rapidly before running out of the room barking. Ed pulled the blood stained rags of the remaining curtains back and felt the strong sun stream in on his face. It felt good to be alive.

Ed looked at his arms, they were blood stained and one of his fingers was obviously broken sticking out at an impossible angle. He could taste the acidic texture of congealed blood on his lips as well. There was no way all this was normal. The dog was barking away madly by this time and Ed turned to see a the shadowed hulk of a human. Its stature was restricted - bent over even. The figure lurched forward and stopped.

Ed and this figure stared each other down, not sure what to make of the other.

At this point Ed realised he was looking at a zombie and reacted with violent terror, picking up the nearest blunt object and smashing the zombie over the head with all his might. The zombie collapsed in a heap on the floor, immobile from the blow.

The skin of the zombie had the same hue as Ed's skin, though Ed could see that his chest was picking up colour, moving from a palish blue to whitish pink. Like Ed was coming back to life. Coming back from the dead even ...... Ed wondered to himself if it was possible for zombies to return from the dead to the world of the living?

Could it?

No way?

Ed had definite memories of being dead, even being a zombie. He could feel in the fog of his memory the excitement and lust of eating human flesh. So how had he come back from the dead? Did hell get some vacancies and his soul came back, or was it something physical?

The dog was barking furiously again and Ed grabbed the lamp that had been useful as a blunt weapon with the previous zombie. Another shadowed figure stood in the doorway, this time it wasn't stooping, and didn't look remotely zombie like. A cheerful female midlands voice drifted across the room;

"So yer oop and aroond then?"

The voice continued;

"Sorry aboot the mix up with the zoombeh, soomtimes they escape."

The woman rolled her eyes.

"Causes all sorts of prooblems with the fooreman."

Ed was a bit shocked and his vocal chords and mouth weren't working like a live persons would. They sort of opened and shut without any sound coming out.

"Its all right loov. The resurrected are always a bit doopey at first."

"Come on then, I'll get yoo a cup o' cha and soom food. You moost be starving?"

Ed was. Obviously being a zombie was not very nutritious. He followed the woman down the stairs to what looked like an epiliptics kitchen - stuff was strewn everywhere - but there was no denying the smell of warm crumpets, baked scones and fried black sausages.

A sizzling skillet of black sausages were dumped down infront of Ed;

"ecky thoomp!" he said happily.


"Nothing. Just something I recall from before I was a zombie."


"So how was I resurrected? I mean how did I get from being a human to a zombie and back to human again?" Ed asked.

"Yoo becoom a zoombie by being et. Yoo become a hooman again by etting brains, if yoo et enoof of them."

Ed was surprised but the logic made a Hollywood kind of Romero sense. But if you had to eat human brains as a zombie to become a human again, where did the brains come from? How did you manage to do it without depleting the stocks of human further?

Ed asked.

The reply?

"We raise midgets to feed to the zoombies that are going to be resurrected. Strapping lad like yoorself was chosen to be resurrected so you cood be overseer of the midget farm."

The hairs on Ed's neck rose and his eyes widened in irrational fear.

"Midgets? But I am scared of midgets!"